Fantasy Astrology Football
I haven’t watched a single NFL game this season, regular season or playoffs. But based on my quick analysis of fantasy football points and astrological signs, I have a pretty confident pick of who will win the Super Bowl. For all those who tune into this site for betting advice (disclaimer: please do not do this!) I’ll get right to the point: it’s the Philadelphia Eagles!
I say “quick analysis” because I grabbed point totals from fantasypros.com, rather than calculating them myself. And when you compare the starting fantasy lineups for all 12 signs, Leo comes out on top. This is when counting points for both offense, kickers, and IDP (individual defensive players) - because the standard fantasy football practice of using a team’s defense/special teams doesn’t work for fantasy astrology, where each defensive player has their own sign. Actually, the Lions have only the fourth ranked offense in the league, but their defense is number one.
This applies to the Eagles because their top offensive AND defensive scorers are both Leos. Quaterback Jalen Hurts scored 378 fantasy points according to Pro Football Reference, which actually does the calculations for you! Imagine how much time it would save me if Baseball Reference did the same thing. Hurts finished third in all of fantasy in 2022, behind two other QB’s: Virgo Patrick Mahomes (416) and Cancer Crab Josh Allen (396). Mahomes leads the Chiefs, who will play against Cincinnati this weekend, while Allen’s Bills did not make the final four.
Unfortunately, PFBRef does not calculate fantasy points for defensive players, but linebacker T.J. Edwards racked up 241 points according to fantasy pros, placing him fifth overall among defenders. Interestingly enough, the top overall defensive player, Foyesade Oluokun (295) on the Jaguars, is also a Leo. The top defender in the final four is Pisces linebacker Nick Bolton (265), who leads the Chiefs defense. But while Kansas City has two of the top overall performers, neither Virgo nor Pisces finished atop their respective divisions.
Looking at divisional winners puts two more points in Philly’s favor. Wide Receiver A.J. Brown (212) is the top wideout on the Cancer Crabs, who won the Water Division, while Tight End Dallas Goedert (86) is the best Capricorn (Earth Division winners) at that position. This last point is not all that impressive, considering that TE is a bit of a throwaway position in fantasy - only six of them scored more than 100 points on the year, compared to 39 Running Backs and 38 Wide Receivers. Actually, the best one in the league, Libra Travis Kelce (206) also plays for the Chiefs.
There are two playoff teams where division winners betray the Eagles. Top Cincinnati RB Joe Mixon (180) is a Leo, although he would slot in behind starter Dalvin Cook (199) of the Vikings. Cincinnati also has the top Cancer Crabs Kicker in Evan McPherson (132), but kickers are a notoriously low priority position in fantasy football. What’s more, McPherson has the third-lowest total of any fantasy astrology starting kicker, in front of just Libra Dustin Hopkins (40), who got into just five games this season, and Gemini, who won the Air Division despite not having a qualified Kicker in their player pool.
Speaking of Gemini, the second non-Philadelphia team with a division-winning starter is San Francisco, which sports Gemini RB Christian McCaffrey (271), who came over in a midseason trade from Carolina. It’s worth noting that rookie Brock Purdy (106) is a member of the Earth Division winning Capricorn Goats, but he finished well behind regular season starter Lamar Jackson (236).