Ruling Planets in Astrology Baseball

Moving to the astrology side of Astrology Baseball, the concept of ruling planets is something that doesn’t have to do with sports at all. Well, actually, since planets are named after Roman gods, there could be some connection between their properties and different aspects of the game. Mars for batting (the god of war supports a good offensive attack), Jupiter for pitching (he threw lightning bolts), Saturn for grizzled veterans (Bringer of Old Age in Gustav Holst’s “The Planets), Neptune for… rainouts?

The astrological side of ruling planets uses these same characteristics, which are described as “a lens through which you can better understand” each sign, according to the Astro Poets, Alex Dimitrov and Dorothea Lasky. Here’s each sign’s ruling planet, along with a blurb provided by Dimitrov and Lasky (titled in the book “What the planet brings to the sign”), and an example of how a contemporary baseball playing member of each sign embodies these characteristics.

Aries is ruled by Mars, which is characterized by “loud, brash gestures.” I can think of plenty of Aries natives this applies to: Nolan Arenado had some loud and brash words for the Rockies’ front office after they neglected to upgrade their roster after signing the third baseman to his megadeal (the rest of which will be paid for by the Cardinals). King Felix Hernandez could get awfully brash on the mound after a big strikeout. But the crown here has to go to Adrian Beltre: you’ll likely never see anything louder or brasher than his reactions whenever Elvis Andrus tried to touch his head.

Taurus is ruled by Venus, which the Astro Poets connect with “an aesthetics of sensuality.” I don’t think there’s one of these blurbs that applies less to the actual playing of a sport. But that said, the aesthetics of Aaron Judge crushing a 400-ft. opposite field homer are pretty sensual to me.

Gemini is ruled by Mercury, which is classified as having “a quick wit.” I don’t watch enough postgame press conferences to know if Geminians are particularly good at turning a phrase. But we can get a good glimpse by looking at some of the nicknames players chose for the back of their Player’s Weekend jerseys. For example, defending AL Cy Young Award winner Shane Bieber once wore “Not Justin,” while former closer Brad Boxberger simply used the wrapped present emoji next to the hamburger emoji. 

Cancer is ruled by the Moon, which is associated with “nourishing spirituality.” I just watched the new documentary about CC Sabathia, and he definitely displayed some nourishing spirituality to help him deal with the hardships in his life, including the death of his father and struggling with alcohol addiction. Quite separately, if you saw the more contemplative shots of Cody Bellinger in the 2020 postseason, you might think he was into a… different kind of spirituality.

Leo is ruled by the Sun, whose natives are described as “brightly bold streamers.” Mike Trout and J.D. Martinez are certainly two of the game’s brightest stars, in terms of pure talent. But for the “bold” label, I’d have to point to Max Scherzer, one of the grittiest pitchers around. Also Madison Bumgarner: how bold is it to WANT to hit for yourself, when there are no fewer than 12 other players on the roster guaranteed to be better at it than you?

Virgo is also ruled by Mercury (cf. Gemini), and their attribute is “a sharp mind.” Many players have been described as “students of the game,” but I don’t think there is one more studious than Joey Votto, who used to form one third of the Damsels’ three-headed monster at first base, along with Paul Goldschmidt and Freddie Freeman. (What does everyone think of Damsels? Is that better than Maidens? I’m still working on it.)

Libra is the second sign ruled by Venus (Taurus is the first), and the Astro Poets connect the sign with “real true beauty.” Various elements of the Libran game of the last decade can be described as beautiful: Robinson Cano’s swing, Zack Greinke’s changeup, Kenley Jansen’s cutter, any number of the outstanding catches made by Mookie Betts in the outfield. But the one that takes the cake for me: Bryce Harper’s majestic flowing hair.

Scorpio is ruled by Pluto and a little Mars, which imbues the natives of that sign  with “a ferocious intensity.” A sign known more for their offense than pitching in recent years, many Scorpio hitters of that time were ferociously intense. David Ortiz and Giancarlo Stanton come immediately to mind, but you also have Ryan Braun and Yasmani Grandal… even Juan Soto, whenever he takes a pitch.

Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, which brings “a positive life force and luck.” There’s probably no player in MLB with more life affirming energy than Ronald Acuna Jr., both with the way he plays and his general personality. This trait is usually displayed in conjunction with his real-life teammate Ozzie Albies, who coincidentally is a member of the sign that directly follows Sagittarius on the zodiac wheel.

Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, which is all about “never giving up.” The above-mentioned Albies has been too successful at too young an age to have had to display the famous Capricorn sticktoitiveness. But one player who has truly never given up is Albert Pujols, whether he was working diligently to become one of the all-time great hitters of his generation, or playing the field despite injuries in order to open the DH spot for Shohei Ohtani (who hopefully blossoms into another best-of-his-generation hitter, since shares my home sign of Cancer).

Aquarius is ruled by Uranus and a little Saturn, and their epithet is “powerful genius.” That’s kind of ironic, given how poorly Aquarius has performed in the FABL standings in recent years. But I guess, while you don’t have to be a genius to be good at baseball… it DOESN’T help? Anyway, the most recent Aquarian star player whose genius I would most trust to be powerful is probably Vladimir Guerrero, who retired before this half-decade began.

Pisces is ruled by Neptune and a little Jupiter, and their natives are known to possess “creativity associated with the occult.” I don’t know enough about the spiritual preferences of Pisceans to confirm this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if longtime Fish ace Justin Verlander was using some kind of mystical magical powers to remain so good (and even seem to get better) as his career goes on and he advances in age.

Next time, we’ll continue marching backwards through time with an overview of the 2013 Fantasy Astrology Baseball League season.